The World Race - aimee holladay

I just want to be the same...

Mon, 5 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Well, I have been home for 127 days (4 months and 5 days). In that time I have managed to start a new job and get engaged! Yep, I'm getting married in April!

It feels like so much has changed in such a short amount of time... but, as I ponder my overwhelming anxiety - I have realized that it is not that so much has changed - it is the fact that it is all getting back to "normal" that scares me. The fact that getting back to "normal" has been so easy, not only terrifies me, but just plain makes me sad.

When I think about the world race... and that this time last year I was in Cambodia ministering to young boys overcoming addictions, or just 5 months ago I was in Romania loving on disabled orphans, or that the day I walk down the isle - the year before I was in India building a church... when I think about that life it feels so long ago... And this is where the sad part comes in. The sad part is that I differentiate the "then" and the "now" - life then and life now... normal then vs. normal now... my relationship with God then and my relationship with God now... my view on the world then and my view on the world now... ministry then and ministry now... God then and God now...

In Romania God told me to be consistent. I looked up the word today to see the actual definition... consistent - unchanging in achievement or effect over a period of time. This is my problem. I have not been consistent. I have not been unchanging in my achievement or effect over a period of time.

John 14:12 has been a verse that has been wrecking me over and over again. It is a verse that continually brakes my heart. "The truth is anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works because I am going to be with the Father."

I have not been consistent. I have not been doing "the same works".

There should not be a clear separation between "then" and "now". God is a God of consistency. Hebrews 13:8 says that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His nature to heal, deliver, forgive, and save never changes. His love never changes. His heart and will and desire for us to love Him and others (Matt. 22:37-39) never changes. I am the inconsistent one.

I am no where near any place in my spiritual walk to even begin to worry about what greater works might mean... I just want to be the same. I want to be like Jesus. I want to do the same works. And it shouldn't matter if I am in Africa working in an orphanage or in America working in a bank... it shouldn't matter if I'm single or married... my love for God and for others should be the same. My service to God and others should be the same. My ministry and desire for the lost to be saved should be the same. My desire to see people passionate about the reality of God at work in their life should be the same. My relationship with God should be the same. My obedience to 'do the Word' should be the same.

If I was striving to be like Jesus... to do the same works as Jesus... then there should be no difference between "then" and "now". There should be no difference between Africa and America. There should be no difference between Sunday morning and Thursday afternoon. There should be no difference between the mission field and the Wal-mart check out line. There should be no worries about where to go or what to do next - missing all the opportunities of today wishing for tomorrow.

Jesus says in John 14:6 "I am the way..." If I strive to be the same as Jesus then I will always be going the right way... I will always be right where He wants me... If I strive to do the same as Jesus then I won't be able to help but be consistent.

It feels like so much has changed in such a short amount of time... but, as I ponder my overwhelming anxiety - I have realized that it is not that so much has changed - it is the fact that it is all getting back to "normal" that scares me. The fact that getting back to "normal" has been so easy, not only terrifies me, but just plain makes me sad.... maybe I need a different basis of comparison as 'normal' is concerned.

I just want to be love like He IS love - everywhere I am. I want to love Him with everything I am and love others. I want His love to be what compels me to do those "same works" - every moment of everyday no matter where I am.
I just want to be the same!!

i'm starving...

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

There are people in the world so hungry
that God cannot appear to them
except in the form of bread.
- Ghandi

I think Im starving. Its true. Ive seen the world, Ive seen starving people... I have been back home for over a month now and, sadly, Ive come to realize that it is me that is starving.

Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Why pay for food that does you no good? Listen, and I will tell you where to get food that is good for the soul! - Isaiah 55:2

Im starving and I dont know how to eat. People need more than bread to live. Real life comes from feeding on every word of the Lord (Matt. 4:4, Luke 4:4, Deut. 8:3). Hebrews 5 talks about moving from milk to solid food... But how? How do I eat the Word of God? How do I chew on it, digest it, get full by it... nourished?

Me: God, Im starving. Where do I even start to get healthy?

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Sunday morning my pastor taught on the importance of the Bible. He mentioned Romans 10:17 - So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. I hear this verse all the time and for the life of me have not been able to figure out what it means. But, I'm thinking this is where "healthy eating" begins. So, Ive been thinking about it - what is the Word, how do I hear by the Word ? Ive been talking to God about it. God agreed with me - Im starving.

...comes by hearing and hearing by the Word... and hearing by the Word... hearing by the Word...
Me: God, how do I hear by the Word? I just dont get it.
God: You arent listening.

Thats it! There is the truth. Im not listening. Im not hearing what He has to say. In Luke 10:38-42 Mary sat at Jesus feet and listened to His words. But Im not stopping, sitting, listening... Im rushing around and treating the Bible like any other book. Im trying to read it, get through it, trying to memorize it... Ive been standing over the book trying to measure my performance - 10 chapters a week or 30 minutes a day or read the bible in a year... check it off my list.

But, what if I only read one verse? What if instead of trying to get through it I tried to get in it? What if instead of trying to memorize it I tried to live it? What if instead of standing over the book I sat down and let His words stand over me - and I just listened, learned, waited, meditated... No longer trying to learn information to recite it back, to feel productive, or to look good but, instead, to know it, experience it, live it... to eat it.

What if that one verse became REAL? What if that verse became evident in the way I lived my life? What if I was actually doing that one verse? What if that one verse got into me and changed me, became alive in me? Then what would happen if I moved on to a second verse?

The Word is God and God is alive (John 1). The Word is alive (Heb. 4:12). I can not say I love God and not be in love with His words. When I treat them casually and complacently then that is a direct result of how I am treating God. If I want to know God then I need to know His words. If I want to hear Him, then I need to know what He sounds like. I mean if every word in the Bible is a door that opens up into an experience of God Himself then I want in.

I dont just want to read words - I want to experience God!

Lord, I'm hungry! I need more of you! Teach me how to eat! Teach me how to hear!

i don't know what's real anymore...

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

OK. It happened. 18 days into being home and I feel lost. Lost is the only word that I can think of to kind of, vaguely, sort of, describe what is going on with me.

Whenever I think about the World Race and all that has happened over the past year, well, it doesn't seem real. I think I've been in some kind of denial about the whole thing. I came back and thought that everything was going to be the same... that I was going to be the same... and neither is true. Here is a tragic example: I went to Wendy's to order a cookie dough vanilla frosty and they told me they don't make them any more. My obvious response was, "But you had them a year ago!"

It's true. It happened. All of it. I know it was all real because when I close my eyes it all comes back to me - all the sights, sounds, smells... all the heart brakes and questions and doubts... all the miracles and grace and love... all of it - in perfect detail. The world was real - is real. But here is real too. And I am really smack dab in the middle somewhere.

I told God I was lost and He told me He knew right where I was.
I told Him I was confused and He told me He was certain.
I told Him that I didn't know what was real anymore and He told me that I was crazy.
Yep, crazy...

I love the book of Colossians... it is definitely my go to book, my most read section of the Bible. As I was re-looking it over a verse grabbed me. I've obviously read this verse before... I really like it. I think I have even mentioned it in a previous blog... but I saw it like I was reading it for the first time.

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of Heaven, where Christ sits at God's right hand in the place of honor and power. Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth. For you died when Christ died, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your real life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all His glory. - Col. 3:1-4 (NLT)

What is real anyway? God is. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever... He is everywhere... in everything... He IS everything. He is real. He is life. He is real life! He is the same God in Africa as He is in the tri-state... the only difference, really, is just a change of scenery.

"How can you be lost!" I can hear Him asking me... reassuring me... "I'm right here. If I am your life - your real life - then you could never be lost. There isn't anything you could ever do or think that would drive me away... you're mine. I'm yours. I am real... your real life. Just focus on me. Draw near, pray, fast, worship, wait, listen... just spend time with me, dance with me... let me love you and romance you. Let's fall in love again and then everything will make sense. Leap back in my arms. Crawl back up in my lap. Get back down on your knees. Then you won't feel lost. You just need to get back into the spot where you need to be... where you belong... back to a place of brokenness and honesty and surrender. You are not lost, my beloved. You are right where I want you. I am real. I am your life. You know that. No more doubting... me or yourself.... we've got work to do... real work... in the real world... lot's of people need to know my real love and I need you to tell them. This is real life. Now live it!"

the most awesome miracle i've seen God do this year...

Tue, 2 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

O.k. I'm home. It's awesome. It is also weird. I thought it would be more difficult to be back... it's really not. Actually, the past 11 months seem more like a dream I had last night or something. It doesn't feel like I have been away as long as I have. I haven't freaked out in Walmart or had some sort of "I miss community" brake down... but it is only the start of day 3...

I was starting to panic at how easy this transition has been so far. I mean, didn't I change at all? Did I really come back the exact same person as I left? How is this so easy, familiar, normal? I think I'm supposed to be feeling something... anything... other than what I am about all this?

Then something was different. After trying on all 27 pairs of my jeans, to only find that one pair fit, I realized that I think I love myself. MIRACLE!!

One big thing I have dealt with over this past year is self-hatred (secrets out now...). I constantly hear the lie that I am a monster and need to find ways to be invisible. It is impossible to be invisible...If you don't know me, well, let me just tell you that I am probably the most conspicuous person ever. Not a day goes by where people don't stare at me or make comments about my tattoos and scars... neither of which I am proud of... neither of which are ever going to go away.

But none the less, this desire to be invisible has dictated my life. Sitting in the back, never drawing attention to myself, not being able to speak in front of people, feeling bad that people have to look at me, etc... The big one is that I take up too much space. The more space I take up, well, obviously the less invisible I am. The only way I could ever measure this "space" was in my weight. It only made sense that the less I weighed the less space I would take up. The skinnier and smaller I could get = more invisible. This way of thinking has dominated my life. But over the past couple of days I have realized that God has been renewing my mind and changing my thinking... without me even really noticing it. MIRACLE!!

While trying on all my jeans, one by one, size by size, I realized that just a couple years ago I was walking around in a coveted size 4. I don't remember being that small... I just remember hating myself the same, still thinking I was "fat", still panicking because I still took up too much space... I tried on the 6's and the 8's... all the different styles... none fit. But for some reason it didn't bother me. MIRACLE!!

I looked in the mirror as I modeled the one pair that fit and I looked at the heaping pile of jeans I should want to fit into... I looked at myself again and thought, "Wow... I just don't think I look that fat. I mean I don't think I'm really that bad looking. I feel pretty o.k. with myself... why am I not freaking out, stressing, over come with anxiety? How is this not the end of the world?" Then I remembered Matt. 22:37-39. God has really been teaching me a lot about Loving Him and Loving others. Who new He would be working on me, this whole time, to LOVE myself too. MIRACLE!!

God loves me. God thinks I'm beautiful. God is beautiful. It is logical to say that the more I look like Christ the more beautiful I am. I think that's my new "diet"... my new "makeover" plan. I have decided that I want to look like Him more than anything else. I am going to trust Him in this area of my life. I think I can surrender it, hand it over now.

A few months ago, on the race, God asked me a question.
He asked me which I would choose:
1. I could have a powerful ministry, He would use me in crazy awesome ways, I would be living the Eph. 3:20 life, but I would be 300 lbs....
or...
2. I could look how ever I wanted but I would only be a bench warmer, totally sidelined, never able to accomplish anything for the Kingdom of God.

I never answered. I am going to be so honest right now. I couldn't answer... because it broke my heart to know what I would choose. I would choose me. I would choose the lie. I would keep the tight grip on this idol. Till now! I'm done. I'm beautiful! I choose God and all the good plans He has for me! I choose to love my self at this size... in this space... I choose to seek God and let His beauty shine... I choose to let my life - all of it, all of ME - be for HIS glory... even my appearance. Today I decide to Love myself. MIRACLE!!!

the world race is... seasons of rice (2 final Q squad videos)

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Want to know what it is like to be a part of the world race... what the world race is all about? Well, these following two videos can show you everything you need to know.

Thanks to my squad mates for making these videos. SO FUNNY (and true...)!

so... this is what's next...

Wed, 20 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Whats next? That seems to be the big question. Unfortunately, it is a question that I have had in the back of my mind since day one of this journey.

I have so often found myself praying, crying out to God, that there is so much I could do but I just wanted Him to tell me the one thing I should do. I mean, He is the one that wrote down every moment of my life before a single one of my days had passed (Psalm 139:16). He is the one that said He would accomplish more with me than I could ever dare to ask or hope (Eph. 3:20). He is the one that said He had good plans for me, plans for a future and a hope (Jer. 29:11). He is the one that said that I have a future ahead of me, and that my hope will not be disappointed (Prov. 23:18). He is the one that said He would work out His plans for my life (Psalm 138:8).

I have found myself wondering why these huge, awesome, individual, specific, plans for me seem to be so hidden. I would like to think that God wants His will for my life to be lived out way more than I think I do... but yet it all seems like some kind of far off, unattainable mystery.

GOD! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
FATHER! WHAT IS YOUR WILL FOR MY LIFE?

Finally, after repeating this complaint enough times, I got an answer. It was just not quite the answer I thought I was looking for.

ME: What am I supposed to do?

GOD: Do what you know?

ME: I dont know anything?

GOD: Yes you do. You know it, now just do it.

ME: Do what?

GOD: Do what I have told you to do.

ME: sigh... God, I dont get it... you haven't told me anything. I cant hear you!

GOD: You can hear me. You are just being stubborn and not listening.

ME: I think I need some kind of neon sign or something. I need direction.

GOD: I have given it to you. Read it. Believe it. Do it.

ME: What, the Bible?

GOD: Yes.

ME: That is your specific plan for my life? Really?

GOD: Yes.

ME: What? What is?

GOD: Love.

ME: Your plan for my life is love? Just love? Thats it?

GOD: Yes.

ME: I still dont think I get it.

GOD: I want you to love me. I want you to love me with everything you have. I want you to love others. I want you to love others the way I love you (Matt. 22:37-39). I want you to do the Word... to live the same way Jesus lived (John 12:12).

ME: But, that isnt very specific.

GOD: Yes it is. Whatever my Word says to do - you do that. Seek me, spend time with me, study my words, hunger and thirst for righteousness, use your gifts, die to the world, give up everything for me, pick up your cross, stop caring what others think, be bold, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, give to the poor, love your neighbor, serve, tithe, go to church, contribute to the body of Christ, pray, fast, worship, encourage, sharpen others, preach the Gospel, make disciples, baptize people, heal the sick, cast out demons, rejoice when others rejoice, mourn when others mourn, visit those in prison, intercede for those that need freedom from their bondage and chains, walk in the Spirit, walk in power, walk in humility... LOVE. Start with that.

ME: But... where, when, how... I dont understand how this is your big plan for my life.

GOD: This is my ultimate goal for everyones life. My will for your life, just like every other person's, is that you would Love me and because of that love you would be compelled to love others. Sure I made you different from everyone else. I have equipped you with different gifts and talents. But no matter who you are, or what your gift is, or where I put you, it is all for the same outcome... the same goal... LOVE. It is Love that will change the world. It is Love that will further my Kingdom.

ME: But, that still doesnt answer my question. Where do you want me to love? Africa, Asia... where... and how?

GOD: Stop trying to see the big picture. Stop trying to figure it all out. Stop worrying about the future. Just focus on today... right now... where ever you are... then Love. Every moment - Love. Every person - Love. Every place - Love. You just focus on seeking me, knowing me, loving me and I will help you love others. You just focus on serving me and I will help you serve others. You worry about that and I will worry about the rest.

ME: But, after the race... where should I go?

GOD: Where are you going?

ME: Huh? Well, I am going home.

GOD: OK. Go home.

ME: But what about Africa and the orphans and... and... and...

GOD: When you are in Africa love in Africa. When you are home then love at home.

ME: So, Im still going back to Africa... right?

GOD: Not tomorrow... not next week... not next month. Go home. Love. Be content and faithful - be consistent.

ME: Thats it?

GOD: Yes. Isnt that enough?

ME: It is enough.

GOD: Good. Go love some people because you love me.

ME: OK. But I do not love well. I don't think I know how.

GOD: My grace is sufficient (2 Corinth. 12:9). My love is enough. I will help you. I will teach you. I work everything out for the good of those that love me and have been called according to my purposes (Rom. 8:28). I will fulfill all your good intentions and faithful deeds (2 Thess. 1:12). I will never leave you, I am with you always. (Matt. 28:20). I love you my beloved... my chosen one.

So... that is what's next. All I know so far is that I will be in Romania till the 29th. On the 30th I will be traveling home and on the 31st I will be at church... past that I do not have a clue about anything specific. I do know that where ever I am, who ever I am with, what ever I am doing I am to love... Love God and Love others. That is the only plan I've got. But I know it is enough.

stop the candy shop!!!

Tue, 12 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

When I think of sex slavery and human trafficking I often just imagine third world countries and an over seas crisis...but this is a problem at home as well.

Do you realize that we live in a country where children are sold... bought by men for sex? Do you realize that human trafficking is the number two most profitable, illegal, business next to drugs in the United States? Do you realize that right now a child is crying, scared, and being abused? Do you realize that it is our responsibility to take action?

I have often thought of human trafficking as a problem way to big and overwhelming for me to do anything about. It is an issue that seems almost impossible to fight against. That is true... it is a very big and overwhelming problem, but nothing is impossible to those that believe!

I believe that we can take action! I believe that we can pray against this injustice! I believe we can intercede on behalf of these innocent children and the men in bondage! I believe we can become more informed regarding the truth of this issue and not turn a blind eye! I believe we can unite in love and make a difference!

Below is an Atlanta news article regarding child sex trafficking in Atlanta, the short film The Candy Shop: a fairytale about the sexual exploitation of children, and the song Beautiful Slave by Take No Glory.

I live in Kentucky, worked in Ohio, and go to church in West Virginia... for those of you living near me Atlanta may seem a bit far... but here is some information I found regarding Ohio and human trafficking:

(CBS/AP) About 1,000 American-born children are forced into the sex trade in Ohio every year and about 800 immigrants are sexually exploited and pushed into sweatshop-type jobs, a new report on human trafficking in the state said Wednesday.

Ohio's weak laws on human trafficking, its growing demand for cheap labor and its proximity to the Canadian border are key contributors to the illegal activity, according to a report by the Trafficking in Persons Study Commission.

"Ohio is not only a destination place for foreign-born trafficking victims, but it's also a recruitment place," said Celia Williamson, an associate professor at the University of Toledo who led the research.

for more information see:

www.stopthecandyshop.com
www.endsextrafficking.com
www.streetgrace.org

thank you for giving me beautiful feet...(photo blog and my last WR video)

Mon, 11 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel reigns! - Isaiah 57:2

I remember praying for the nations... and that is what I got! God has taken me and allowed my feet to walk, to run, to dance... to touch the world!

Over the course of these 11 months my feet

have been swollen to 3 times their original size...

been covered in paint...

and mud...

and blisters...

and dirt.

These feet have been offensive and misunderstood... well, just the tattoos!

These feet have walked with widows,

carried orphans,

knelt in prayer,

and preached the Gospel.

My feet are not afraid to get wet.
.

They have swam in the Indian Ocean, the Nile River, and the Black sea.

These are feet that have experienced native customs

and really missed the traditions of home.

My feet have had to called many places home

and got to call a lot of people family.

These feet have had the privilege of standing on Gods glorious creation.

And, though there were so many times when I didnt think my feet could take another step... when I couldn't even stand... my gracious Abba was there to walk beside me the whole way - carrying me more often than not.

My feet have been covered with the dust of the nations! Even when I make it home and they are soaked, scrubbed, rubbed, washed, and manicured these feet will always be permanently stained - embedded with some left over dirt... a reminder of where Ive been... and a promise of where Im going...

I want to thank YOU! This year would not have been possible without your love, support, encouragement, prayer, emails, blog comments, money, and your passion to see the reality of Christs love to be known throughout the earth!

Thank you for sending me. Thank you for giving me beautiful feet.

But how can they call on Him to save them unless they believe in Him? And how can they believe in Him if they have never heard about Him? And how can they hear about Him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, How beautiful are the feet of those who bring the Good News! - Romans 10:14-15

ALL HONOR, ALL GLORY, ALL PRAISE TO YOU LORD!

romania ministry

Tue, 5 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

This month we are working with / and living at "The Potters House". This is an organization that works with underprivileged children and also provides a medical clinic to the neighborhood. We will also be hanging out with some disabled children and cleaning.

My days have been spent participating in a kid's camp from 9am - 6pm. The hours are filled with games, songs, bible stories, crafts, and a missionary lesson.

Thank you so much for all you have done for my team and I over the past year. Please continue to pray for us as we strive to finish this race strong.

give me a sparkler!

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMT

In honor of the 4th of July, I have one little piece of advice. Dont miss out on the sparklers looking for the fireworks!

I love sparklers. I think they are so much fun. Dont get me wrong, fireworks are awesome... they are big, loud, bright, and can be seen by many, even from far away. Sparklers, however, are small. They are much more for the individual and/or a close few of spectators standing close. And, recently, God helped me understand something about Himself... that He loves both, fireworks and sparklers... and He wanted me to do the same. Sadly, He pointed out that I too often miss out on all the sparklers because I am looking for the fireworks. This often leads me to unwarranted disappointment.

I have come to learn that my disappointments are based on my irrational expectations of who I think God is, how He acts, and/or what I think God should do. Often, I find all these ideas wrapped up in a desire for God to show up. I find that these two words hold so much of my assumption. Now, hear me out... I know God is a BIG God, who can accomplish infinitely more than we could ever dare to ask or hope (Eph. 3:20). I know God is a BIG God who wants us to know His nature and expect Him to do what He promises in His word... healing, freedom, forgiveness, salvation, power, etc. I know God is a BIG God who wants us reverence Him as the Creature of the Universe, a Star Breather (Psalm 33:6). I know God is a Firework! My intention here is not to lessen who God is or what He does... not to make Him smaller... just to explain that God is not only a Firework, but He is also a Sparkler.

I have noticed something about myself over the course of this trip. Anytime someone preached, anytime I preached, or laid hands and prayed for healing... anytime we were sharing our faith with an unbeliever... when people would rush to alter to be saved and/or the inflicted were healed and set free - I would always praise God for showing up. On the other occasions where it seemed that nothing happened... the Word landed on deaf ears, the sick stayed sick, no one was accepting salvation... I would find myself disappointed; crying out, God, I dont understand, where are you? Why didnt you show up?

If someone brought me cake, ice cream, and a present on my birthday and said we it was a birthday party would i question it? Would I say, Well, Im not sure this a party - Im not sure we can call this a party compared to... well... lets say Mardi Gras. I can not be disappointed in the times were I didnt think God showed up because I was expecting the Azusa Street Revival. God said where 2 or more are gathered that He is there (Matt. 18:20). I dont think God wants me to question whether or not He showed up based on my expectations and comparisons.

I ran across a verse the other day that started this whole thing:

Then Jacob woke up and said, Surely the Lord is in this place, and I wasnt even aware of it. - Genesis 28:16

Wow, this is totally me. God is NOT a God of disappointment. I need to WAKE UP! How many times has God totally been there... showing up... hanging out... handing out sparklers... and I wasnt even aware of it because I was too busy looking for fireworks.

moving on (photo blog)...

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Ukraine has been great!!! But, it is that time again... time to move on. Next, and last country - Romania! More details on that to come. Till then, enjoy some picts from Odessa.

rosa's story...

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Rosa has not been back to First Step regularly (see blog: we come from the same pain). I saw here once and she came in with a black eye and did not try to interact with anyone. She just ate her lunch and left. That is the only time I have seen her since. We are leaving at the end of this week and I am sad that I did not have the opportunity to love her more. I did, however, learn some of her story.

Rosa is a gypsy. Her full first name is Rosalee. She was born to gypsy parents. She was born into a family that would sell her to a stranger at the age of 10. This stranger was a man that would rape her repeatedly. Rosa was able to run away but not without internal scars.

She ran away to live on the streets - alone, homeless, without anything to claim as her own except the clothes on her back and a pocket knife. This knife was her protection. She was scared and angry and this was her guarantee that no one would hurt her again.

Rosa was picked up and taken to Hope House, but she would not let herself trust anyone. She would not cooperate with the program and was very defensive. She was removed from the home after she pulled a knife on one of the girls... her knife... the only thing she trusted.

Rosa has lived on the street ever since. She doesnt have a home. She doesnt have anyone that cares for her. Her only comfort is getting drunk and her only friend is getting high from huffing glue. And, what was once her only love has turned into an enemy she can not get away from - her knife. Rosa has found away to release all her anger and all her fears - cutting herself. She has found the ability to show the world her internal scars.

Rosa has found First Step and will come in the afternoons to get a meal and a change of clothes. There she is loved unconditionally. There she is safe.

I am sad to leave Ukraine knowing that Rosa is out there on the street somewhere. I pray that God will intervene in her life in a BIG way. I pray that God will continue to put people in her path that will show her the love of Christ. I pray that she finds freedom and learns how to forgive. I pray that she allows herself to love and to be loved. I just pray she is never forgotten.

we come from the same pain...

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMT

All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-3

Another part of us working with World Hope means we get to hang out at First Step. First Step is a place for children to go and hang out when they have no where else to go. It is open in the afternoon and children can come and go as they please. When they come they will get a snack and a very large, hot, home cooked meal. They will get a clean change of clothes (the ones they wore in will get washed and given back another day) and have the option to take a shower and get cleaned up. The staff at First Step not only care for the children's physical needs but also their medical and spiritual needs as well. I have witnessed many bandages being applied to scrapped knees and blistered feet. Everyday the kids get to join in reading one chapter from the Bible and hear a short lesson. They are also taught to pray. The children can play games or watch movies or just hang out and be kids when they are there.

One child in particular has really gripped my heart. Her name is Rosa. She is 16 years old.

Sadly, the scars were the first thing that caught my eye. They covered her left arm from her wrist to her elbow. She distanced herself from the rest of the group. It was the first time she had met us and she acted shy. I wanted to talk to her but I do not speak Russian and she doesn't speak English... besides... I didn't really know what I'd say anyway. I wanted to just hold her... tell her that God loves her. I wanted her to know that things could be better. I wanted her to know that there was HOPE... that there was FREEDOM... that there was LIFE. Instead I just sat next to her at lunch and watched her eyes as they noticed that I had scars too. It was the first time that I actually wanted someone to ask me about them. I wanted her to ask me about them because I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted to tell her that I lived in that dark place of self-injury for 20 years (ages 8-28). I wanted to tell her that whom the Son sets free is fee indeed (John 8:36). I wanted to tell her that the One, True, Mighty, Loving, Abba, God delivered me from death and gave me Life. I wanted to tell her that her Father wanted to give her the same thing. But I couldn't, so I just sat there and ate lunch while she realized that she wasn't as alone as she thought she was.

The next day she surprised me. She ran up to me and grabbed a hold of my hand. She poked my teammate, Carmen, to get her attention and she pointed at my scars.. then at hers. I understood what she wanted to say. She was letting Carmen know that we were the same. We came from the same pain. It made me sad to think that she was still living through such terrible pain... the pain that surfaces to the skin in the form of cuts and burns... the pain that people just won't ever understand. I understood because I lived it... and she knew that... she knew she could trust me.. she knew I was a safe place... she knew because we had the same skin. It made me even sadder to think that she was still living through such terrible pain... that she was still living like this when there was something better out there - LOVE.

The next day at First Step she came in later than usual. She was wearing a long sleeve shirt (and it is 90 degrees outside). The next think I saw was one of the staff, bandages in hand, following her into the bathroom. My heart broke for her. She came out with her left arm bandaged and her right arm covered in fresh cuts. She sat down next to me and pointed to the cuts on her thigh that were poking out of her mini skirt. I pulled the fabric of my skirt up a bit and showed her that I too had permanent marks on my legs. She looked up at me with the saddest most empathic eyes I have ever seen. Today, unlike the others, we had a translator. I pulled them aside and I told Rosa that I was like her for 20 years but that God fixed it. She looked at me, started to cry, and got up and left.

I haven't seen her in 2 days - she never came back.

I don't know what God wants from me for Rosa. I don't know what to do for her. I do know that it is not an accident that I am at this ministry in Ukraine. It is not an accident that God put Rosa in my path. I don't know what to do - except pray. Please join me in praying for Rosa... and all the young girls that wear their pain!

it's all about the girls...

Sat, 4 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Well, here we are... in the city of Odessa, Ukraine. I have to admit that Ukraine has been a bit of a culture shock. I currently have water and electricity that work 24 hours a day. I have a western toilet and a shower - with HOT water! Honestly, it is weird to have these things after going so long without - I feel so spoiled! I dont think I will ever be able to get into a hot shower again without giving thanks to God for such a wonderful gift!

So, amenities in Ukraine are awesome for us this month... and so is our ministry! We are working at Hope House which is a part of World Hope. It is a home for girls/women that are from the ages of 16 to 20-something. In Ukraine children are kicked out of orphanages after 9th grade. Most of these children do not have any identification or documents and without these they can not obtain a job. Without a job they can not make any money. Without any money they can not get a place to live or afford to eat. 72% of these girls end up pregnant hoping to find a man to take care of them. To often there ends up being a baby and no man. And since these girls can not take care of themselves, let alone a baby, the cycle continues and their child enters an orphanage.

Another danger that is too prevalent in Ukraine is sex trafficking. Men will actually solicit work in the orphanages. They promise work as house cleaners or cooks or nannies... but the work never turns out as promised. Once the girls find out what is going on it is too late. Tricked into a job they would have never chosen, they feel trapped because they are made to think this is the only way they can earn money.

Hope House is a home that takes in girls that have been turned out into the street from their preceding home. The girls are taught life skills such as cooking, gardening, and cleaning. The staff at Hope House also get them all their identification and documents they need to succeed in life. The girls are also taught english to give them an added edge. Also, church and bible studies are a requirement for living in the home. Hope House focuses on the individual child and wants to aid them in obtaining their dreams -whether that is finishing school, collage, a certain career, etc... - and making them self sustaining.

This month we will be spending time with the girls and helping them with their english. We will also be helping around the home - painting, gardening, cleaning, etc...

I am so excited about what has in store for us this month! It is going to be amazing! God is so good! Oh, how He loves us!

nepal...

Thu, 19 May 2011 00:00:00 GMT

So... Nepal has been awesome! I have to say I have never seen a more beautiful place. We spent the month living in an orphanage and loving on the kids. We did a VBS at a couple schools, visited some wonderful people at the elderly home, and hung out in a leper colony (one of my favorite activities so far on this race!).

We saw God move in huge and miraculous ways.... like when He poured out His love onto a woman named Anu who was paralyzed 7 months ago from a fall. We were given the opportunity to visit her and her husband, encourage them, build a relationship with them, and pray with them. We witnessed Gods healing power and loving grace just keep moving more and more in that home through out the month. We witness her sit up and stand and we know she will be walking (literally) in complete healing soon!

#9 down... only 2 to go... Next stop - Ukraine!

to mom!!!

Sun, 8 May 2011 00:00:00 GMT

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

i love you mom!

we named her Julie...

Sat, 30 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

All girls team round 2! Yep, time for team changes once again. My new and final team finds me traveling these last 3 months with Carmen Record (team leader), Samantha Allen (team finances), Bethany Eason, and Jenny Ellis. I am excited to be able to be a part of such a power house of women! First thing on our agenda was to go out and make a team memory. We decided to start the day off at the Mcdonalds for 12 rupee ice cream cones and see where God lead us from there. Little did I know that this would be the most memorable fast food outing ever....

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

She was standing there the moment we got off the rickshaw. She couldnt have been more than 6. Her filthy red shirt hung over a tattered and stained cream skirt. She was thin and her hair was tangled and brittle. The dirt that covered her body was visible even on her dark brown skin. She motioned to us and then motioned to her mouth that she wanted food. So without even a second thought I held out my hand toward her but she backed away as if afraid. I made the same feed me motion and pointed at the Mcdonalds. I held out my hand again and her eyes lit up as she jumped at the chance to go inside. Even though her hand was so small as it reached for mine, there was an sad desperation and strength in her grip.

I have never seen such a breathtaking smile on such an excited child as I did on her face when I laid out a chicken mcnugget happy meal complete with fries, a coke, a vanilla ice cream cone, and a small barbie toy.

She made herself completely at home with us as she ate her meal. I watched her. I saw her small fingernails caked with dirt. I saw her savor every bite of a meal that appeared to be a long time coming. I saw her smile and laugh and motion for us to take pictures of her with our cameras. I saw her pose and dance and giggle and play like a small child. I saw her soften and trust us.

She carried a small plastic bag. As she was eating I looked in to find a very tattered wallet. Inside the wallet was probably 30 rupees. I realized that she was one of those kids. She was a slumdog millionaire kid. The first time I saw this movie was in Kenya on a teammates laptop. But now... here... in front of me... was this little girl... hungry and dirty... carrying a wallet... that at the end of the day she would have to turn over to the men that owned her.

These men will take her money day after day. These men will beat her if she doesnt collect enough. These men will exploit her and use her anyway they think will bring home a bigger profit at the end of the day. Right now she is small and cute and no person with any type of heart could turn away such a smile. But what happens when she is a bit older and no longer able to sell her cuteness? Will they brake her legs to make her lame or burn out her eyes to make her blind? Will they sell her to local men for sex?

I watched her and for a moment I could see she was happy. For a moment she was a child... just any child that loves to eat happy meals.

When it was time for us to leave she waved and said bye. She began to walk down the street and the whole time she waved back to us, holding her bag with her only possessions in the whole world - a tattered wallet and a happy meal barbie doll. I watched her as her tiny body was swallowed up by the business of the city. I watched her as she turned the corner. With every step she took farther and farther away from me my heart broke more and more. I couldnt take my eyes off her until there was no more of her to see.

Being that we couldnt communicate to her with words, we never got to know her name... we named her Julie.

My heart is overwhelmed and broken for all the Julies in this world. For all the girls that will never have the chance for any kind of life outside of this...

bottoms up...

Thu, 21 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

This month I found myself completely overwhelmed with the thought of the sheer massiveness and the sight of pure goodness that is God. I also found myself full of worms - but that is a whole other story...

I have found it difficult to put into words exactly what this month has been like. Hard, hot, exhausting, miraculous, wonderful, life changing, challenging... these are a few that come to mind.

We went into this month with a job to do... take God into a Hindu village, tell people about Jesus, pray for healing and freedom and salvation, baptize, raise money, build a church... and that is just what we did!

I have never in my life been so honored that God would use me to change a life. Every time I witnessed a person turn from their idols and choose Christ instead it just made me see more and more of Gods grace and majesty and beauty... it was breathtaking - He is breathtaking!!

19 people accepted Christ this month and 8 were baptized. Thanks to your generosity we were able to raise enough money to build the temporary structure. Because of you there is now a church where there was not one before. Because of you a entire village now has life amongst them instead of just death!

before and after

NEXT STOP - NEPAL!

the village (photo blog)

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

i need your help!!!...

Fri, 1 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

So its month 8.
Its India.
Its 120 degrees.
And, its church planting!

I dont know anything about planting a church. Yet here I am, leaving tomorrow for some very remote village to help start one.

Adventures in Missions (AIM) has partnered with Indian Christian Ministries (ICM) to get involved in planting churches. So, here we are - the first team (actually teams - there is another team with us this month) to actually go and try this out.

Part of ICMs vision is saturation - they want to saturate India with the gospel. To do this they want a church in every village! They have an amazingly organized and effective system for this. And we get to help!!

We will be going out to a very remote village to preach the Gospel, go door to door, introduce Jesus to people who may never have met Him before and evangelize to Muslims and Hindus. We will give opportunities for salvation and baptism. We will also find land, raise money for the temporary church, build the structure, and find a person we think would be a good pastor. Then ICM trains the pastor and after 100 people are saved they build a permanent church building.

Even though it is really exciting to go out and start from the beginning it is going to be really rough too. We will have no running water - just one foot pump that is used by the whole village. We dont think we will have electricity, but there may be some erratic generated power. We will be sleeping outside in our tents. And, most excitingly, I have been told that to use the bathroom we have to dig a whole in the middle of some field! Often, I find, on this trip, my spirit may be really excited and willing to be doing what we are doing... but my flesh is, most usually, resisting with everything it has. Sometimes it is just hard to be out here.

But, lucky for you - you can get involved from the comforts of your home!!! You can be a part of planting this church without having to dig a whole in a field or live outside in 120 degree weather! You can be part of giving Life to a village that is dying! You have the opportunity to bring Jesus into a village where Christianity is prohibited! You have the chance to make a lasting difference! If you would like to get involved, heres how:

We need your money... $2000.00 to be exact! There are 11 of us working on this project, so if each person raised $190.00 we would actually be over budget! So, to brake this down even further... I need 19 people to give $10.00!

So if you want to be part of bringing salvation to a village in a restricted nation... if you want to be a part of the Great Commission here in India... here is a very tangible way to get involved! Just go to this (link/website) and donate!:

www.indiachristianministries.org

Thank you for all your continuous love, support, prayers, encouragement, and involvement! We couldnt do this without you!

but what do i know....

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 00:00:00 GMT

This is what the Lord says: "Let not the wise man gloat in his wisdom, or the mighty man in his might, or the rich man in his riches. Let them boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who is just and righteous, whose love is unfailing, and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord, have spoken. - Jeremiah 9:23-24 (NLT)

I can not stop thinking about this verse. I have read it over and over for the past few weeks. Let them boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who is... I have really be thinking about what it means to know God. And I keep wondering do I really know Him... am I honestly seeking after more? Am I crying out for more wisdom, revelation, knowledge, and understanding (Prov. 2:3-5, Eph. 1:17)? Is getting to know Him the most important thing in my life (Hosea 6:6, Matt. 22:37-38)?

John 17:3 tells me that the way to have eternal life is to know God and Jesus. Hebrews 6:9 tells me that I am meant for better things, things that come with salvation. Salvation is just the beginning! There are good things that come with salvation - with accepting Jesus, receiving the Holy Spirit, and having eternal life! And to have eternal life is to know God. So maybe, as I seek to know God more and more, and pray for revelation and understanding, then I can grow and mature as a Christian (Heb. 6:1,3, Luke 8:11-15). And maybe, as I grow and mature as a Christian then I can receive the good things that accompany salvation!

So, as I'm wondering what it means to really know God, I am thinking that growth and maturity are a big part of it. As I seek to know God more it changes things... it changes me... how I live, how I love, how I serve... At least, it should be changing me! (Eph. 4:23-24, Gal. 6:15-16, 2 Corinth. 5:17). I should be growing stronger, more confident, and more powerful in Christ. There should be a braking down of strongholds that keep me from knowing Him (1 Corinth. 4:20, 2 Corinth. 10:4-5). I should be producing good fruit (Gal. 5:22-25, Col. 3:12-15, Phil.1:11, Matt. 12:33, John 15:5,8, Rom. 7:4). I should constantly be changing as I continue to seek and chase after the things of God (Col. 3:10)!

In Matthew 16:13-20 Jesus asked his disciples who other people said that He was. They answered with all kinds of things... Elijah, John the Baptist, Jeremiah... But then He asked them, "Who do you say I am?"

I love when I come across something that I have heard or read many times and it is like I am seeing it for the first time! That is how this story has been for me. Jesus is asking me, "Who do you say that I am?" He doesn't want to know who the most popular preacher from the biggest church says He is, He doesn't want to know what the newest book about Him says that He is, He doesn't want to know who I have been told He is from a latest podcast or coolest worship song, He doesn't even want to know who my Pastor tells me He is on Sunday mornings (sorry Pastor Steve)... When He asks me who I think He is He wants an answer from me!

Matthew 16:15-17 - Then He asked them, "Who do you say I am?" Simon Peter answered, "You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God." and Jesus replied, "You are blessed Simon son of John, because my Father in heaven has revealed this you. You did not learn this from any human being."

I do not want to live my life with this "idea" of who I have been told God is. I don't want to base my entire relationship with Jesus on what I have heard that He is like. I want to know Him... by experience... for myself.

I want to know who God is, what He is like, what He feels, and thinks, and what He desires - by experience. I want to have fresh encounters with Him - everyday! I want to have my own revelations from the Father! He is alive and I want to live life with Him. I want to know that He is a healer because I have seen Him heal. I want to know that He is a deliverer because I have been set free. I want to know He is my provider because I've witnessed His provision. I want to trust Him because I've seen Him keep His promises. I want to know He is merciful and compassionate and gracious because I have seen it, I've felt it, I've experienced it... I want to know His heart because He has allowed me to feel what He feels. I want to KNOW Him... I don't just want to know about Him! In John 17:20 (NLT) Jesus prays, "I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who believe in me because of their testimony." I don't want to know God through someone who can testify to who God is in their life! I want to know God because my life is a testimony of who He is!

I want to build a relationship with Him. I want to build a track record with Him - have a history with Him - just live everyday life with Him. I want to be able to know who God is today, and who He will be tomorrow, because I can look back and see who He has been to me in the past - personally... for real... by experience (Heb. 13:8)!

I don't want to be a person who claims to know Jesus by association. I don't want to say, "Hey, let me tell you about my best friend's sister's husband's second cousin... him and Jesus are always having crazy adventures together... just last week...." No, I want to be a person who proclaims to know Jesus by experience. I want to say, "Hey, let me tell you what Jesus did last week, and 3 days ago, and yesterday, and already today He has...."

I want to hear God, and see God, and talk with God, and experience God - everyday! I want new revelations of who God is - everyday! I want my daily bread! I want to be able to live on the solid food of the Word and grow in my knowledge of Him! Oh Lord, teach me how to eat! I want more (Heb. 5:13-14, Heb. 6:1, Matt. 6:11, Deut. 8:3, Matt. 4:4)!

LORD, HEAR MY CRY! I WANT TO KNOW YOU. I NEED TO! I NEED YOU! I WANT TO KNOW MORE AND MORE OF WHO YOU ARE - EVERYDAY! I HAVE TO! I WANT TO KNOW MORE AND MORE OF WHO I AM AND WHAT I AM TO DO BECAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE! I WANT MORE! I HAVE TO KNOW YOU - FOR REAL!

This is what the Lord says: "Let not the wise man gloat in his wisdom, or the mighty man in his might, or the rich man in his riches. Let them boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who is just and righteous, whose love is unfailing, and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord, have spoken. - Jeremiah 9:23-24 (NLT)

never have i ever...

Thu, 24 Mar 2011 00:00:00 GMT

never have i ever... until uganda

1. gotten so addicted to sugar cane
2. baptized anyone
3. boarded public transportation to find a bunch of live chickens under my seat
4. talked about casting out demons so much
5. rafted down the Nile
6. had a dress made
7. thought Id be caught in a hail storm in the middle of Africa
8. been so homesick
9. wanted, so badly, to come back to a country (i.e - Noahs ark Childrens ministry)
10. broke a tooth and have to wait till I get to a completely different continent to get it fixed
11. been given a chicken as a gift for praying for someone (dinner - yummm!)
12. found a witch doctor's cave while hiking

Next stop... INDIA...

this is africa! (video)...

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 00:00:00 GMT

i wanna be forward moving... (Eph. 3:20 part 1)

Mon, 14 Mar 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I love Uganda. I love what God is doing here - to this nation... and to me! Something is changing. Something is different. I cant explain to you exactly what it is - but its something - something in me. I have never felt so broken yet so strengthened... so helpless yet so hopeful... so convicted yet so encouraged... so burdened yet so full of joy... so excited with anticipation! God has shown up in Uganda. Ive seen him. Ive felt Him. Ive experienced Him... And I can not stay the same... why would I want to?

I want to be a forward moving person! I want to walk into the steps that He has laid before me... prepared for me... planned for me! I can not go back! (Jer. 7:24, Phil. 3:12-16, Heb. 12:1-3).

For me, this month has been some of the most amazing and fun ministry on this race so far! God has really led our feet and used our hands in so many different places around Mukono, Uganda. We have been preaching in churches, teaching in schools, and praying for the sick in hospitals. We have visited, encouraged, and prayed for widows. We have had the opportunity to hang out and love on some children at the Elizabeth House for Disabled Children. And, we were privileged enough to get a tour of an orphanage called Noahs Ark Children's Ministry.

Out of everything I have experienced on this race so far seeing this orphanage/school/home has encouraged my spirit and impacted my life like nothing else has! It was started by a couple from the Netherlands, 15 years ago. Their desire is to take in children and raise them up from nobody to somebody. They want to raise up a generation of leaders that will make an impact and change Uganda.

It is really hard to put into words what it is like at Noahs Ark. It is massive. It is beyond clean. It is full of joy, love, and purpose. It is beyond anything one could imagine. It is a testimony of Gods faithfulness, power, glory, and wonderful love.

It was just so amazing to see God really be able to change a nation because of one completely willing person! I have never seen all of Gods promises actually be lived out in one life! It made me so excited and my spirit come alive just being there... because I know that if God did this through them, because of them, for them, and with them... then He can use me too!

God really does want to accomplish more than I could ever dare to ask or hope (Eph. 3:20) - He really, really does! It is all just so exciting I can hardly stand it! God wants to use me... to advance His Kingdom... to change His world... And as long as I am willing - He will! He promised and He is faithful! Here I am, Lord. Send me... use me!

i wanna be a verb... (Eph. 3:20 part 2)

Mon, 14 Mar 2011 00:00:00 GMT

How would you define a Christian? In the dictionary, on my computer, I found two definitions... one was an adjective (a describing word) - of, relating to, or professing Christianity or its teachings. The other one was a noun (a person, place, or thing) - a person who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Jesus Christ and his teachings.

I am starting to think that being a Christian is something a lot bigger... a lot more... than just a word to describe something. I am starting to believe that the word Christian is a lot more important than just a word we call ourselves, or a place we go, or this thing we believe in. What if we looked up the word Christian in the dictionary and it was listed as a verb (an action word)?

The moment we were saved we were signed up for a job that we may not have realized we committed to... but we did! The moment we accepted Christ into our hearts we became the Lords representatives, Christs ambassadors, and a soldier to the King (Col. 3:17, 2 Corinth. 5:20, Eph. 6:12-18). We are told to seek and save the lost... to go out and feed His sheep (Luke 19:10, John 21:15-17). We were commissioned to go and tell everyone the Good News (Matt. 28:19, Mark 16:15-18, Luke 24:47)! We are promised that He will work through us... as long as we use the individual gifts He gave each of us - each individual work being vital to the church (John 3:27, 1 Corinth. 12:4-7, Rom. 12:6-11, 2 Tim. 1:6-8, Eph. 4:11-13). We are instructed to minister to the poor, to comfort the brokenhearted, to release the captives, to free the prisoners, to heal the sick, cast out demons, raise the dead, to care for orphans and widows, and to give food and clothes to those in need (Isaiah 61:1-3, Mark 16:18, James 5:15, Heb. 13:3, Matt. 10:8, Matt. 11:4-6, James 1:27, James. 2:14-18). And, most importantly, we are commanded to, first, Love God above everything - with everything - and, second, to love others and ourselves (1 Corinth. 13:4-7, Matt. 22:37-40).

In 2 Corinth 5:17 it tells us that when we become Christians we become new persons. It says that we are not the same anymore, for the old life has gone and a new life has begun! That is some amazing and exciting stuff... but we have to live that out! We have to live out that different life that we have been given. Recently, I have been so brokenhearted, over the thought that, in some cases, the only thing that changes for people when they receive this new life is that they now go to church on Sunday mornings, carry around a bible, and put their tithe in the offering plate. My heart aches over all the crazy awesome stuff so many people are missing out on with God... all the cool stuff He wants to do through them and to them and for them and because of them!

Jesus dying on the cross was for so much more than just a selfish salvation. It is not for us to just accept Christ and then sit down in a church pew and wait to die and go to heaven. Ephesians 1:20 says that Jesus was raised up to heaven and then was seated in the heavenly realms, at Gods right hand. Christ died and then went to heaven and then sat down. He gave us the Holy Spirit (Acts 1:8), and He gave us spiritual gifts (1 Corinth 12:5-7, Rom. 12:6-18,Eph. 4:11-13), and He gave us all the authority and power He had (Eph. 1:19-23), and He gave us anything and everything we would possible need to be fully equipped (2 Tim. 3:14-17, Heb. 13:20-21) ... and He sat down. It goes on to say in Ephesians 2:10 that we are Gods masterpiece. He created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Christ didnt die for us so we could sit down and wait to die! Christ died, then sat down, so we could stand up and go do the awesome things he had planned for us before we were even born (Psalm 139:16).

Service is a verb. Surrender is a verb. Sacrifice is a verb. Receiving is a verb. Prayer is a verb. Worship is a verb. Reading the Word is a verb. Obedience is a verb. Willingness is a verb. Hope is a verb. Faith is a verb. Healing, freedom, deliverance, salvation - all verbs. Dying is a verb. Love is a verb. Life is a verb.

Christianity is a verb!

God really does want to accomplish more than we could ever dare to ask or hope (Eph. 3:20) - He really, really does! It is all just so exciting I can hardly stand it! God wants to use us... to advance His Kingdom... to change His world... And as long as we are willing - He will! He promised and He is faithful! Here I am, Lord. Send me... use me!

DECLARE THIS WITH ME!

I am not an adjective! I do not want to just use the word Christian to describe myself. I am not a noun! I do not want to limit my Christianity to what I am, or where I go on Sunday mornings, or what it is I believe. I want to be a Christian that takes action, that goes, that does... I WANT TO BE A VERB!

have you thanked God for your toilet today?

Mon, 7 Mar 2011 00:00:00 GMT

So, I have decided to write a blog about one of the hardest and scariest parts of this race that I have encountered - THE TOILET.

It is funny to me how, the longer we travel, our conversations regarding this become more matter of fact and less of a surprise. Walking into a bathroom to find no soap, no toilet paper, no water, and no toilet - has started to become the norm. On the off chance we do find a western toilet - no matter if there is any of the other amenities or not - it is a cause for celebration.

I have gotten used to the fact that there are not as many bathrooms, in other parts of the world, as in the U.S. I have gotten used to carrying toilet paper in my bag because that is even harder to find than a bathroom. I have gotten used to dirty hands and hand sanitizer. I have gotten used to washing my hands with anything and drying them off on my clothes. However, I have NOT gotten used to the fact that I pee on my feet at least once a day...

I have started to have dreams of American bathrooms... the one at my house... the really nice bathroom in Boarders at the mall. I have started to envy the fact that there is a bathroom that could be used in any gas station or restaurant anywhere in the U.S., and very rarely would an American have to resort to the great outdoors if they didnt want to. I fantasize about clean, tiled floors, and about sinks with running water and soap and hand towels and toilets that can be sat on. I look forward to bathrooms that are free from bats, rats, scorpions, roaches, flies, and bees. I cant wait for the day when I wont have to walk outside in the dark to find the bathroom or have to take my head lamp with me because there is no electricity. I am excited to flush a toilet again - no more pouring buckets of water down.

It has been a real challenge for me to just use whatever is available and even harder for me to have a thankful heart in these situations.

Here are a few pictures of some of the toilets that we have had the privilege of using so far:

The other day we were eating at this cafe near the Nile River. It was a tourist hang out with internet, a gift shop, real coffee, and a bathroom. On the inside of the stall door was a poster. It said this:

BASIC SANITATION AND CLEAN WATER
ARE THE RIGHTS OF EVERY HUMAN

Have you thanked God for your toilet today?

never have i ever...

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 00:00:00 GMT

NEVER HAVE I EVER... UNTIL RWANDA

1. gone 5 days without a "shower"
2. shared one bathroom with 15 people... with no running water
3. had so much fun riding moto-bike taxis
4. preached so much
5. enjoyed preaching so much
6. preached on a radio program... that was aired in 4 countries
7. eaten so many carbs in my life (every meal: bread, pasta, rice, potatoes)
8. seen so many hills
9. spent so much free time hanging out in an airport
10.spent almost 30 hours on a roach infested bus

i knew what i was getting into...

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 00:00:00 GMT

My dearest daughter Aimee... my beloved... my favorite... my princess,

I knew what I was getting into when I called you. I knew what I was getting into when I said your name, and I said it just the same. I knew what I was getting into and I still want you. I knew what I was getting into and I still chose you. I knew what I was getting into...

And I am not shocked by your weakness. And I am not shocked even by your sin. And I am not shocked by your brokenness. I knew what I was getting into and I still want you. I knew what I was getting into and I still like you. I knew what I was getting into and I still chose you.

Cause only I can see the end from the beginning. And only I can see where this is going. And I see in you the seeds of love. I see in you strength. When all you see is your failure... I can see deeper than that. I know you better than that. I knew what I was getting into when I called you. I knew what I was getting into and I still want you.

Youre only at the beginning. Youve only just begun. And I know where you are going. All you can see is this moment, but listen... I knew what I was getting into when I called you. I knew what I was getting into and I still want you.

Just dont give up. Just dont give in. If you dont quit youll win. Everything is in my hands. Its going to be alright. Its going to be ok. And you dont have to pretend to be something or someone that youre not, because I know you better than that.

Listen, my beloved, I knew what I was getting into when I called you. I knew what I was getting into when I said your name, and I said it just the same. I knew what I was getting into and I like you. I knew what I was getting into and I still chose you. I knew what I was getting into...

Love, Your Abba Father... p.s. remember - you have been handpicked...

i am a voice to the nations... (surrender part 1)

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 00:00:00 GMT

One thing I love about God is how spontaneous, and surprising He is. I really do love all the different, interesting, and random, opportunities He opens up for me to serve, minister, and evangelize. Take this morning for instance...

Let me start off by saying that, one great thing about sleeping in my clothes, is that when I wake up in the morning - I am already dressed, and pretty much ready to go. On this morning, my alarm went off at 7am, and I got up and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Half way down the hallway I hear Pastor Moses, our contact, call to me. He asked if I wanted to preach on the radio. He said that someone called in sick and he needed someone to fill in his spot. I said Sure!, and asked when he needed me. Pastor Moses said, Can you be ready to leave in 10 minutes? Let me emphasize again, that one great thing about sleeping in my clothes, is that when I wake up in the morning - I am already dressed, and pretty much ready to go - PRAISE THE LORD!

I have never spoke on the radio before. I have never even seen the inside of a studio. But today I was going to be preaching Gods truth on the air... to who knows how many people. I asked Pastor Moses if this radio show was heard all over Rwanda. He said that it was broadcasted, not only, in Rwanda, but in parts of Burundi, Congo, and Tanzania. Let me emphasize again, that I have never spoke on the radio before. I have never even seen the inside of a studio. But today I was going to be preaching Gods truth on the air... to who knows how many people - IN 4 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!!

God has been convicting me a lot about how I view Him and the work He has called me to do. Often I find that many of my decisions I make throughout the day are based on what I think I can or cant do... on what I know how to or dont know how to do... on what I want to or dont want to do... When I heard Pastor Moses ask me if I wanted to speak on the radio, my first thoughts were - Of course not! I have never done anything like that before! I wouldnt even know what to say! I dont know how to do this? I would probably sound stupid... I dont even have anything prepared to speak about!... So, I said SURE! Let me emphasize again, that God has been convicting me a lot about how I view Him and the work He has called me to do - IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!

I may have never spoke on the radio before - but God has. I may not know what to say - but God does. I may not know how this all works or what to do - but God does. I probably would sound stupid - but God wont. I may not have anything prepared to say - but God will. It is not about me and what I can or can not do! I can not do anything, it is God that does the work through me... which means, I can do all things through Christ (2 Corinth 3:4:4-5, 2 Corinth 12:5, Phil. 4:13)!

God is a lot bigger, and mightier, and more faithful, and more powerful, and more merciful, and more loving, than I give Him credit for. The work - opportunities - that He sets in front of me - ARE FOR HIS GLORY! And, I am learning that the more I surrender and trust in Him, the more I stand firm on the truths and promises of His Word, the more I am willing to allow Him to work through me - whenever and however He wants... then the more He shows Himself strong on my behalf!

I am finding out more and more about myself the more I just surrender and let God be God. I am finding out more and more about God the more I just surrender and let God be God. I am finding there is a lot more freedom, adventure, and joy, from this view of God. I am finding it is so much more productive, exciting, and so much easier to just let God do... everything! Let me emphasize, again, that I am finding out more and more about myself the more I just surrender and let God be God. I am finding out more and more about God the more I just surrender and let God be God - THROUGH ME!

... God in heaven appoints each persons work. ...I am the bridegrooms friend, and I am filled with joy at His success. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.... (John 3:27,29,30)

the spirit dwelleth within me-even when i STINK!... (surrender part 2)

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 00:00:00 GMT

If it was raining outside and you had no way to church except to walk - would you go? Would you walk a mile or two in the rain? Would you walk down the dirt streets that have now turned into pools of mud? Would you risk slipping and sliding to almost fall down in the puddles? Would you walk to church in the same clothes you slept in? Would you still go even if you hadn't showered in a couple days? Would you continue your journey even if you knew you were going to be late? Would you be able to enter into the church, in the middle of worship, in your soaking wet clothes with out insecurity? Would you be able to walk in, to your seat in the front, with your feet covered in sticky, slimy mud, without embarrassment? Would it bother you if you had dirt splattered and caked on your legs- all the way up to your knees? Last question... after all that...
now would you be able to walk up, in front of the whole congregation, and preach?

If someone would have told me 7 months ago... even 2 months ago... that I would actually look forward to talking in front of people... well, I would have thought you were clinically insane! But, Rwanda has changed all that - well, let me say, that God has changed all that in Rwanda. I like it! I look forward too it! I have really enjoyed getting into the word and listening to what God has to say to the nations... this nation! And, it has really surprised me - the peace, the confidence, and the level of trust, that I have started to move into with Him by just being obedient. The moment I decide to just say yes to what He puts in front of me - that is when I see Him really work in me, and through me, and for me. OK, LORD, I SURRENDER! This is exciting! This is great! I WANT MORE! I SURRENDER!

I am tired of holding Christ back from what He wants to do through me. I am tired of stifling the spirit within me because of my fears, my insecurities, the lies... this flesh! NO MORE!

Everything is always about God - everything is for His glory. And I ask myself... Really? Has it really been all about God? Has it been about His glory? And after I thought about this - I had to honestly answer - NO!

Every time I worry about speaking in front of people, or turn down the opportunity to love someone as Christ does because of fear, or every time I believe in a lie of the enemy - I am making this about me and obviously considering my own "glory". BUT NO MORE! If it is all about Christ and His glory - then I surrender.

..."My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinth 12:9-10

If I am going to really live out a life where it IS all about Him... then it is impossible for me to hold on to any of me. He is stronger in my weakness! I am just a voice... and a pair of hands... and a pair of feet... Even wet, stinky, and covered in mud... He can still use me to speak His truth - if I will just get over myself long enough to realize that and let Him!

I began my sermon by saying, "Thank you all so much for having me! I am so excited to be here! I apologize for being late. But, praise God that He is a victor even over the weather! We will praise Him through this storm! And, I thank the Lord, that it doesn't matter that I am standing here, in wet clothes, and with muddy feet... because the Spirit that dwells with in me is alive and well! AMEN!"